One Year on Tinder: What a Parisian Woman’s Apartment Really Looks Like

Not only does Tinder ease sexual, romantic and friendly encounters, it also gives you a privileged access to your matches’ interiors (no pun intended).

Everyone knows Tinder, this revolutionary application that enables you to swipe between profiles with a single fingertip, until you meet for a conversation thanks to a mutual like, or get out for a drink – then two, three, four… even ten depending on your respective stamina – and eventually maybe more in the bedroom of the desired person! If the match is played outside, you will get a chance to observe the décor. Even if you might never come back again, it could be interesting. You never know, you might end up writing an article on that topic! Tell me where you live, I will tell you who you are.

Family Home: Don’t Disturb Parents

The typical Parisian woman does not necessarily have her own apartment, especially if she is young. Yes, my age range filters are fairly extensive: love has no age! Without going into detailed socioeconomic considerations, young adults stay at their parents’ longer and longer. To avoid this pitfall, meeting a “provincial in the capital” is your best chance. However, if you match with a Parisian by birth, it won’t be surprising that she still lives in her refashioned teen room. No more Ryan Gosling’s posters.

Your conquest wants to introduce mom and dad for breakfast

Walls painted in sober colors; a minimalist, IKEA-inspired, design. Some Durance candles are on the bedside table, next to Jacques Lacan or Pierre Bourdieu’s books – exams are due for the end of the month. The wardrobe is well-stocked; the infallible equation is: no rent = many clothes.

One Day; Normal by Sano Rin (Flickr Creative Commons)

One Day; Normal by Sano Rin (Flickr Creative Commons)

As the saying goes, before choosing a girl look at her mother, this is what awaits you in 25 years. It applies for décor too. You will realize it as soon as you get into the bathroom – nude, trying to pass unnoticed from her parents. There, Cologne and old-fashioned perfumes stand proudly. Your match of the night must be content with a mere “Nivea closet”, with a roll-on deodorant, a day cream and a makeup case. For the straightener and any other beauty tip, mom’s perfect taste will do!

Apartment Share: Don’t Disturb Roommates

This is the intermediate stage between family nest and full independence. Ladies, things do not fundamentally change since your room can be customized, but at least you no longer need to wait for your parents to be away in the countryside to have sex at home!

a smaller wardrobe, ashtrays and frequent dead bottles

In practice, expect a smaller wardrobe, ashtrays, frequent dead bottles … and Dyptique candles! A MacBook is always there when needed, often with its handy Bluetooth speaker. As an artsy touch, you will find books everywhere – L’Alchimiste by Paulo Coelho is a must – while the walls display some black and white photographs, carefully selected at Yellowkorner. Yet, they are not fixed because drilling is not within all girls’ reach, especially as the most skillful will be too frightened of losing their deposit to risk it. Fucking landlords! For your convenience, you will come across condoms, or even sex toys in drawers, probably because there was still room there, between the jewelry and medicine.

Par David Gaborit (Flickr Creative Commons)

Par David Gaborit (Flickr Creative Commons)

In the bathroom, the space is thoroughly distributed; special shampoos and other beauty products occupy their allocated tub corner, similar to the fridge shelves. Common rooms are, as their name suggests, reserved to the community, not to one-night stands. It is probably better this way; it will prevent you from being tempted to discover a new room after crossing your conquest’s roommate. If it is just to compare the décor … fine!

Apartment: Don’t Disturb Neighbors

Usually, it is a studio, sometimes a one-bedroom apartment, rarely more. A Parisian single does not need a two-bedroom apartment, unless she is a newly separated mother. “Leah, let me introduce your new stepfather!”

No offense to real estate purists, the term studio encompasses everything, from a 97 sq. ft. attic room to a studio with a separate kitchen and bathroom. Two options open: a sofa bed for tidy girls vs. a bed in the middle of the room for lazy ones. In addition to traditional hotplates, the main kitchen utensil is a common microwave, even if your match is a gourmet cook or even the winner of MasterChef. Frustrating.

If you have a one-bedroom apartment, you won’t sleep where you eat anymore

The older you get, or more precisely the older your conquests are – which is often linked, but not always – the more their careers are established, their wage high, and their need for space great … so, well, they have a bedroom! This means that a priori they don’t sleep where they eat, cook and receive friends anymore. This also means you have a bigger, and more comfortable, playground for sex games: the space is organized and the mattress is better. Eventually, you are usually away from prying eyes, particularly building opposite. Unless the neighbor across the street is a compulsive voyeur…

/tʌɪəd/ par Akio Takemoto (Flickr Creative Commons)

/tʌɪəd/ par Akio Takemoto (Flickr Creative Commons)

The design is made of several tables, chairs, a sofa, a desk, a bookcase, a TV and a washing machine to crown it all! They dream of Steiner furniture, but have to content with sales at Habitat for the luckiest. The bedroom is divided into two parts: the bed and the dressing. Always adorned with a few trinkets and Byredo candles.

Last but not least, a single’s haven, her nest: a fully customized bathroom, where you will find more beauty products than in a beauty shop, and more drugs than in a pharmacy! As for larger apartments, I did not dare to sneak into the children’s room, but I guess toys and teddy bears rule the space. I’ve seen kids in a TV show once, that’s why I know them so well…

Julien Giacalone As far as Julien can remember he always wanted to be a gangster. Unlike Henry Hill, he mostly became a writer. But a strong part of him is still anti-establishment. Which part? Only the good half.
  • Adrien

    Test tinder article

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